I should know better

2009-07-17T17:29:00.000Z

Linlithgow palace, home of the Stuart kings

2009-07-17T17:17:00.002Z

The knights parade

2009-07-17T16:54:00.002Z

In the lists

2009-07-17T16:52:00.000Z

The site beside the loch

2009-07-17T16:50:00.000Z

Last minute assistance from a squire

2009-07-17T16:48:00.001Z

"Did he fall?"

2009-07-17T16:45:00.000Z

Ready for the lists

2009-07-17T16:41:00.000Z

Victorious!

HAVE AT YOU, VARLET!

2009-07-17T16:16:00.002Z

As a change from dogshows, I was taken off to a mediaeval joust in the grounds of Linlithgow Palace, birthplace of Mary Queen of Scots. An excellent bit of fun, although the weather could have ben kinder.

My heart went out to the MC, suitably dressed up, who had comandeered most of the children there, provided them with plastic bows and arrows and swords, and marched them about, asking them to cheer "for the King"....and at that moment the heavens opened. At once he was in one of the most unenviable positions in the world - in charge of about a hundred soaked children who had suddenly lost all interest in the proceedings and just wanted their mothers .

And they jousted on in the rain. Well, jousting at that slow speed is not exactly a dangerous sport, but it was quite spectacular, and they were very skilled at other faster sports, like tilting at the ring, and tent-pegging (for which they used neeps!)

There was a falconry exhibition. I am not keen on falconry. I am not convinced that captive birds of prey lead happy lives. And nor was one of theirs, a hen kestrel, which when released to the lure, simply took off and vanished behind the trees. (I liked that bit).

A friend`s delightful Border Terrier really enjoyed the falconry. As the falconer paraded with a bird on her wrist, I noticed the little one, eyes huge and fixed on the falcon, panting and salivating heavily. Her owner said that she had always tried to catch birds, but found it too difficult....and here was a kind-looking lady who had evidently managed to catch one. Surely she could spare a bit for a hungry little terrier?

I enjoyed the swordsmanship, and the black powder people were there with their matchlocks, no doubt cursing the rain and having lots of misfires because of it.

All in all a good mediaeval day out.

2009-07-11T19:50:00.000Z

Solitaire......

2009-07-11T19:48:00.001Z

...and the remains of her little snack

SOLITAIRE ONE, LUPIN NIL

2009-07-11T18:13:00.002Z

Yes, I should have been at East of England. The shampoos (3) were laid out and being eyed nervously by Merlin, and everything was packed for the show when I went out to keep a Health Centre Appointment.

When I got back, two hours later, I let them all out in a great rush for the outdoors - except for Solitiare, who staggered out, salivating unbelievably and twitching all over.

Straight to vet. Where I was told that it must be metaldehyde poisoning, prognosis death. I suppose it was a classic case of "this is what I usually see, so this is what she has. " I was more or less invited to take her home to die, but I insisted that she be treated. She was taken off and put on a drip, and given diazepam....

And I went home, wondering where on earth she would have found slug pellets, which I only use on the high wall and pedestal planters which the dogs can`t reach. I wandered about, checking my pills, and going back out in the quest for pellets - and then I spotted it.

It had been a lupin, a tiny one, bought at the Pound Shop and brought on in a pot. Now it was a potful of stems. No leaves at all. I knew that the seeds are poisonous, but didn`t suspect the plant. Till now.

I phoned the duty vet and told her I had a potful of lupin stems. I could hear her brighten up at the end of the phone. Clearly it had been a boring day up to now. She said that Solitiare was no worse, so it was unlikely to be metaldehyde, and she would now go and look up lupins.

We both did. The symptoms seemed to fit. It appeared that Solitaire had had a little snack before I left. An unfortunate one, but probably not fatal. I was enormously relieved.

The vet said that the toxin had a half life of 6 hours, and that by then she should show improvment, and by 12 hours the toxins should have been flushed out of her system.

And so it proved to be. At 10pm, just when I should be leaving for the show, a call came to tell me that she had stopped shakng, could walk in a co-ordinated manner, and was eating. Just on the 12 hours. She would be kept in for the night and sent home in the morning if there was no relapse.

In the morning there was a further call. She had begun to shake uncontrollably again. Did I think that the presence of an angry and excited male Boxer in the cage opposite could have anything to do with it.....? I assured them that the Boxer would have a much worse effect on her than any lupin.

And she came home, not at all worried by her adventure - mind you she had spent most of it zonked out on diazepam - but offended that her leg had been shaved for the drip. She kept on showing me it, holding it up at ear height with an aggrieved expression. Not the slightest idea of how ill she had been. Or how dreadfully upset I had been.

But she seems to be quite recovered now.

Which is more than can be said for the lupin.

2009-07-04T15:29:00.001Z

Hot Boris.

"Mum, do you think sunbathing will improve my ears? Why are you shaking your head like that? What did I do now?"

2009-07-04T15:25:00.001Z

A wave from a very hot Calypso

HOT STUFF

2009-07-04T14:59:00.002Z

Well, it looks like the heatwave is over. While it lasted it got to 28 Celsius down here - hottest I can remember for years. I have a simple strategy for the heat - do as little as possible. Come to think of it, that`s my strategy for quite a lot of problems....

The dogs have not enjoyed it, but find the shade, and use the approach defined above, which comes hard to Papillons. I hid all balls and toys that would invite activity. I put out plastic basins of water, and you might expect they would like to be in cold water, but my lot have an aversion to it, so there is no use in getting out the hose either - at the sight of it they scatter.

Xena is an exception, and likes to be cool. I can still remember the first time I put out a basin of water on a hot day, and the others watching in horror as she slowly and carefully stepped into it and stood there. As the cold water lapped round her intimate bits, she gave a deep sigh of satisfaction. The others couldn`t believe it. The senior bitch had volunteered for a bath!! Would they now have to do the same? They began to edge away......loyalty only goes so far in a pack.

At the last hot show, where my green factor 40 stick was much in demand, there was a continuous stream of "last warnings" about dogs left in cars, usually followed by the sound of car alarms as the vehicles were broken into and the dogs inside rescued. I don`t begin to understand why people leave animals to cook in hot cars, but hope there will be prosecutions.

Meanwhile, as I struggle with the paperwork for a prosecution of my own under KC Rule 42, the dogs are just delighted that the heat is over and the toys and balls are returned. Yet again they can dash screaming to the gate in the hope that something is happening there - please, just something - a cat, a rabbit, maybe lots of rabbits (or, if you`re Marcus, a procession of welcoming bitches).

Alas, all is quiet. Everyone is probably indoors watching tennis.

Possibly even the rabbits.

2009-06-18T13:00:00.001Z

Front garden with suitably posing dogs on a cold wet June day

ON THE MAT

2009-06-18T12:44:00.003Z

Poor Merlin! Life just throws everything at him.

At the last show, he was really up for it. Showing well, not barking at the judge even when he made duck noises at him, looking good.....

Until I got him on the table. Where he behaved impeccably - and then I realised that the judge, who had been investigating his knickers for proof that he was really the boy he claims to be, was holding something up something huge. At least the size of a golfball....

A mat. I gazed in horror. The judge said something very relevant about the difficulties of coat care. I stared at the mat. Everyone stared at the mat, now at least the size of a cannonball. Merlin stared into space, wondering what he had done wrong now and why he was still on the table.

At last Merlin and I and the mat, at least the size of the planet Mars, slunk off and the three of us were placed 4th, one of his very worst results.

Poor Merlin - always let down by something or someone. Fortunately he didn`t realise it this time.

But I did see his daughters, and they are lovely.

I thought it best he didn`t see them. He would be off home to count his dog biscuits again.

2009-06-13T08:57:00.001Z

"Daughters! Clothes, college, iPods, clothes, totally unsuitable boyfriends - why me?"

DADDY COOL

2009-06-13T08:35:00.003Z

Last week I received the delightful news that Merlin has become a father. He now has two beautiful little daughters, both doing well, (after totally puzzling their mother, who had always believed that children only came in ones, and had to get her head round coping with two.).

Of course I told him at once.

When i break this sort of news to Marcus, I am usually greeted by a yawn (although if I mention that they are girls he does probably file the information away for future use.)

Not so Merlin.

He stared at me and over his face came the usual expression with which he greets anything new - worry with an undercurrent of panic.

You could just see his head spinning. Two! Was he supposed to support them? Out of his allowance of dog biscuit? And daughters! Clothes, college, thwarting the attentions of unsuitable dogs.....

He headed for the door at a very fast lick.

Not easy, being Merlin.

2009-06-03T09:15:00.001Z

Next time you get blootered in Novosibirsk - help is at hand!

IRN WHO?

2009-06-03T09:13:00.001Z

What`s defiantly orange, in your face, and frozen? No, not a Larkhall man at the North Pole - Irn Bru ice cream. I discovered it in a local shop in the current heatwave, and, having led a sheltered life, couldn`t believe it.

Irn Bru gets everywhere.For the rest of you out there, Irn Bru is a totally Scottish aberration. Glowing orange, and terminally sweet, it is marketed as "your other national drink". It pushes Coke well into second place in the fizzy drink market. A national institution for about a century, it began as a health drink (and so did Coke, but that stuff we don`t mention isn`t in it now, and hasn`t been there for over a hundred years). It still contains a small amount of iron, and is usually said to owe its continued popularity to creative advertising, but every Scot knows it is really indispensable because of a legendary reputation as a surefire hangover cure, capable of raising the dead....well, lots of water and sugar can`t hurt.

In the present warm spell, the orange bottles and cans are everywhere, contrasting luridly with the lobster scarlet bodies that a few days of hot sunshine brings out everywhere in this country.

The taste....? Well, sorta fruity and incredibly sweet, I suppose. I haven`t touched it in years, not since I was put off by an incredibly ageist advertising campaign, so I`m no expert.

I discover that now you can even get it abroad. Could Irn Bru conquer the world?

If a Scot ever gets to the moon, you`ll know it. Left behind, shining orange in the earthlight, will be a little empty can....

2009-05-31T10:38:00.000Z

A distinctly shady gang.

2009-05-30T19:35:00.000Z

Marcus chills out, sound asleep in the shade.

SUMMER...?

2009-05-30T19:33:00.001Z

This happened last May. Five days of sun, then it rained till September....

Anyway, as you see, my lot are enjoying relaxing in the shade. And few can get quite as relaxed as Marcus....

SPRING FUN AND GAMES

2009-05-11T16:47:00.003Z

It`s spring - well, we have had two sunny days and there might actually be a third. My lot are seen here making the most of it, in their usual quiet, refined manner.